Well it’s finally happened; I have seen a car that’s even uglier than the Fiat Multipla. No way! I hear you cry, Yes way! I retort and then some.
I was driving up the m6 after a long meeting with some contributors when I glanced across the inside lane, wondering why there appeared to be a queue of traffic forming, when I saw this thing in all its glory.
It reminded me of when Arnie finally got the better of the Predator and the unmasked creature fascinated and repulsed in equal measure. OK I may be exaggerating slightly (alright a lot) and I’m sure there will be people queuing up to defend this monstrosity by telling me it’s great for storage, taking lots of kids about and its practical and quirky and yadda, yadda, yadda.
Whatever strange people might say in its defence all I know is that this car will be driven by people who just don’t “get it” and where the wife has unfeasibly hairy armpits and the husband is called Alan and wears socks with his sandals (pulled up of course). In this world where car designs are still cutting edge and beautiful models are coming to market someone decided it would be a great idea to make a car like a cube and call it, imaginatively a “cube”.
The Nissan Cube has been around since 1998 in Japan apparently and is already into its third generation. Believe it or not it actually won the 2010 Automobile Design of the Year Award. Which must mean it’s “way ahead of its time” and people like me who think it just a box on wheels (which, let’s face it, it is) are just not able to see past our own pre-conceived ideas about what a car should look like. They may be right but my pre-conceived ideas about what a car should look like sort of don’t include something that resembles Postman Pat’s van.
I’m not alone in thinking the “cube” is hideous, the LA Times said "...and then there's the air-hating box of ugly, the 2009 Nissan Cube" referring to its distinct lack of aerodynamics and, of course, it’s revolting looks.
There is no kind way to say that in trying to create an ultra chic modern city car which is someone’s (not mine) vision of the future they have instead created a vehicle that looks like it has been adapted for someone with mobility problems.
Hideous
I might be showing my age but it reminds of an old Not The 9 o’clock News sketch where Rowan Atkinson was describing how God created the world and that he rested on the 7th day, got up with a hangover the next day and created Janet Street bloody Porter.
Well the designer of the “Cube” must have had a very bad day (after a very good night) to have come up with something uglier than the Multipla. As for his boss, well Lord alone knows what he was drinking the night before.
I can only hope it drives better than it looks, although to be fair that probably wouldn’t be too hard.
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Cube is a silly name. I’d have called it the Kubrick. Or the Korova. This is the PERFECT clockwork Orange car, definitely spawned by the designers who decorated the Korova Milk Bar. It needs to be driven by a sinister young psychopath in elaborate eye make-up and a bowler hat. And it should be white. And then I love it. Alternatively, it could be painted a jolly colour and driven by someone wearing a badge with a number and a penny farthing on it in a quirky village in North Wales pretending to be an island for imprisoning Patrick McGoohan.
That car is either brilliant or trash and I know which one I choose. Looks to me like the guy who designed it was kinda laughing at the folks who are gonna be stupid enough to buy it. I see anyone driving one of them anywhere near my neck of the woods I’m gonna fishtail their ass off the highway in my truck.
Well I kinda like it. I can’t help imagining all the letters that I’d be able to fit in the back. Oh and plenty of room up front for my cat, Jess.
Best wishes
Pat (a postman)
True, its alot uglier than say a Vauxhall or Peugeot, but it sure as hell will be alot more reliable !…………………………….
it just goes to show there’s something for everyone!!
Well my aunt has one of these and I can confirm that since taking ownership she has let her armpit hair grow out, which is kinda gross. Her husband’s name is not Alan it is Keith.
No one really wants to own a car like that but they feel compelled to buy one out of the desire to make a statement. It’s a “look at me, look at me! aren’t I quirky and interesting and environmentally aware?!” Well no you’re not you are stupid.
Alan, Keith, Trevor, Glen, Brian, Ian, Donald, Dennis all Cube names and all familiar to the even uglier Multipla or Berlingo. What if they somehow mated and produced a mutation of all three? A Multibercube. Eek!